Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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