Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
