doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
