My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
