AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
