Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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