You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
