Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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