i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
