I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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