True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
