I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize