and you said cock pushups were impossible
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
