tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
