The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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