Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
