no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
