He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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