Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
