I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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