I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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