fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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