Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
