I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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