I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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