im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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