They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
