I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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