the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
