My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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