he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
