My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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