Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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