Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
oh god was she eating orange peels again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
