Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He has the fingertips of a God
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