"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize