So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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