Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
