dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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