Your tits are I can't wait for
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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