Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
