there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
this hospital has no fireball
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
