it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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