You're my little dorito
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
