I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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