honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
