i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize