I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
