whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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