My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
