I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
