i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
