Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
