oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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