apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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