If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
