Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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