Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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