dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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