I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
