he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My penis needs a shock collar
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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