I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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