when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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