you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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