Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
