he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
