You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
