ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
