Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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