Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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