totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
