I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
