ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am available for nakedness
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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