I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
