Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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