i jhust puked up my retainher.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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