The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize