He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
