Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Randomize
