Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize