I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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