just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
