I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
