why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
