i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
