Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
