So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
