Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just high enough for therapy.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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