You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
