I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
