we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
