I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
