I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Green mimosas i think yes
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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