Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I see more hoeing in ur future
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