is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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